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Week 24 Week 25 : Pitter-Patter of 35000 Feet Week 26

"Will the baby have amniotic ear wax?" -a.

Baby stats:
Current weight:1lb 9 ounces
Equivalent to: Three large bottles of Pantene Pro V

Allowed on flight: Babies in tummies - the best form of carry-on!
Not allowed on flight: Pantene Pro V - unless tasted first!

Will these restrictions be lowered before we fly?: Not a chance.
 
Kevin's thoughts:
Well, here we are again. In a few days we'll be once again on our way back to good old dependable Thunder Bay. Ask me if I'm excited about it. Go on.

Okay, hold on, I suppose that's an unfair question. Am I excited about my brother's wedding? Absolutely. Am I excited about having a baby shower? Undoubtedly. Am I excited about seeing all my oldest and dearest friends again, and introducing them to Aimee's bump? Sure I am.

But if you ask me if I'm happy about visiting the city itself? Meh.

Oh, don't get like that. Thunder Bay is a fine place to live. The simple fact of it is that the reason I'm wholly underwhelmed by the prospect of going back there is this: I've been there before.

See, when you're like Aimee and I, and have lived in five countries in five years, all that does is fuel the fire to see more and more and more places. For the price of two tickets to fly back to Canada (never mind the added cost of flying WITHIN Canada), we could have visited the Serengeti, or Portugal, or spent two glorious weeks on the coast of Turkey.

Thunder Bay is nice and all, but let's face it: if you had the choice between the Mediterranean Sea or Boulevard Lake, which would you choose? My point exactly. I may be excited about a wedding and a baby shower, but I'd be even MORE excited if the whole thing was transplanted (guests, finger sandwiches, Travelodge and all) to Rio di Janeiro, or Bali, or even Newfoundland. I've never been to Newfoundland.

Here's the other thing... For the first time in five years, Aimee and I have an apartment in a large, metropolitan destination. The most expensive thing about flying overseas is not the flight, not the food, but the accommodation. Especially in London. Now we're offering free accommodation in a place that people say, "oh, I've always wanted to go there but it's too expensive," and they're STILL NOT COMING.

For years, we've been taken in by locals and friends and relatives to alleviate the cost of our travel, and finally, we have the opportunity to become hosts: show you around, take you to a show, ride the London Eye, etc. For once we can return the favour.

But what do the Thunder Bayans say? "Aw, why don't you just come here? Then you could see everybody at once. It'd be cheaper." Well, of course it would be bloody well cheaper. For YOU. We still have to pay.

So, I'm putting my foot down. After this trip, I'm forcing you to allow me the chance of being a hospitable host, in some oxymoronic fashion.

After this trip, we're not coming home to Thunder Bay again until 10 Thunder Bayans come to visit us in Europe.

That's right, I'm serious people. Think of it like a Subway Loyalty card. Ten visits from you, the 11th one is free from us. It can be ten different people arriving for a two week visit (call first, I'll have to inform my landlord), or the same elected representative sent back and forth back ten times, we're not fussy either way. You get a metaphorical punch on your metaphorical punch card - no, forget that, hang on a sec...



...okay, now you've got a REAL LIVE punch card, which you can print out and put in your wallet or passport and we'll punch it when you arrive, then when you fill the card up, you redeem it by handing it over to us and we'll come back to Thunder Bay.

There we go. Done deal. Either this will work, and we'll be able to release the travel bug into of heaps of central-Canadian visitors, or, we never see any of you ever again. Regrettable, but sometimes desperate measures are necessary to get what you want.

Guess we'll see you soon!
Aimee's thoughts:
My brother blames me.

He says that the recent attempts to blow up planes are because we have decided to fly home to Canada and terrorists seems to have an uncanny ability to know where I am and what I'm up to. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a file on me somewhere.

But as usual, not even terrorist attempts can keep us away when we set our minds to something. We've planned to go home to Thunder Bay, and home is where we shall go.

What these attacks have done, however, is make a trip that was going to be difficult at the best of times, even more complicated. I have to admit that, while I usually don't worry about this sort of thing, I am expecting the actual travelling part of this visit to be pure hell. (And if hell isn't found in an airport, where else would it be? Except maybe a dentist's office.)

In a couple weeks, I'll be just entering my third trimester, and I've already begun to experience several of the symptoms that go along with being heavily pregnant: swollen ankles, chronic fatigue, and heartburn. I find I am uncomfortable in any position for more than an hour - unless it includes my bean bag chair, and I'm pretty sure that bean bag chairs aren't part of the new carry-on baggage allowances. My goodness, what if those aren't really beans? What if they're little balls of C4? Or Anthrax? Or worse... snakes!

So in preparation for the most uncomfortable day of my entire pregnancy (not including the very last one), I've prepared a flight plan to make the most of it.

Included in my carry-on will be:
  • Lots of water (if allowed)
  • Peaches (if allowed)
  • Soothing music on my Mp3 player (if allowed)
  • Face cloth to occasionally moisten face and keep myself alert (if allowed)
  • Stack of magazines (if allowed) and really good book (if allowed)
  • Flight socks - oh so attractive!
Activities to be engaged in:
  • Hourly massages by my loving husband
  • Amusing attempts to reverse into the washroom
  • Constant aisle walking
  • Naps between flights/on tube
  • Tim Horton's coffee on arrival at Toronto to keep me awake for our 3:30am GMT arrival in Thunder Bay.
If I can do and carry all of these things, and I somehow evade the terrorists, I think I stand a chance of arriving in Thunder Bay with my wits partially intact. At which point it will be 12 fun-filled days of friends, family and celebration before we do the trip in reverse and two weeks more pregnant. No worries.

Oh, did I mention that we're flying back to London on September 11th?

Did you know?

I have a talent that Kevin doesn't have! I can flare my nostrils.

I'm hoping to pass this trait on to our baby so that we can form our own special nostril-flaring no-boys club. With this being the week that her nostrils open up, I'll be constantly sending flaring messages to the womb! Flare... Flare...

 
If only I knew then...

This week: Pregnancy's a pain in the butt

Some women (meaning ME as always) experience a condition called sciatica during the later months of pregnancy. This happens when the baby's head presses against the pelvic bones causing the nerves in your lower back and legs to be compressed. Severe pain can occur in the lower back, leg or legs and even buttocks. With me, it's butt pain at around 2am.

For a while, it appeared as though my symptoms lessened when Kevin was away, which caused me to think that HE was the pain in the butt (which I've always suspected), but now I know that it's just the position that our baby happens to be in that night.

 
Aimee's cravings

I can't wait to have a big ol' BBQ steak in Canada. And poutine.*

* For the British folks - Poutine is a French Canadian delicacy, consisting of french fries topped with cheese curd and smothered in gravy.

"Ugh!" you say? I tell you, it's a hell of a lot more appetising than doner-meat-n-chips! You're the weird ones, not us.

 
Everyone into the poll!

It's your last chance for a holiday pre-baby. Did you take advantage of your freedom and fly to an exotic location while you were expecting?

Q. Did you fly while pregnant?
    Yup        Nope
Tell us where in a very small box:



Results next week!
 
Clothing Colour Poll: Aha! The results are in on whether you'd dress your little boy in pink clothing, and it appears the pink shoe is prettier on the other foot.

Yes: 
   52%
No: 
   48%

Here's why:

My boy will be pretty in pink because...
"Colour is in the eye of the beholder."

My boy would never dress in pink because...
"I don't like pink on anyone."
 
Baby's Book of the Week

Vesuvius Poovius
By Author
A historical account of life in ancient Rome with a focus on the invention of the toilet! We really enjoyed this book - it was quirky, the illustrations were fun, and they didn't 'dumb down' the story for the kiddies at all. The highlight was the emporer of Rome shouting "I HAVE TO DO A POOOOO!" HA HA HA Poo is so funny.
 
Send a message to the womb and beyond!



Before we get to the mail section...
On publishing the loyalty card, Aimee and I made a prediction that two possible responses would come out of it:
   1) I've already been there, do I get a free punch?
   2) You say come visit, but then you say no visitors for the first month. Stop contradicting yourself! Mleh!
And, surprise surprise, look what arrives in our inbox...


We've got mail...

Dear Baby B
Your Mummy and Daddy are complaining because nobody ever comes to visit. I assume they don't mean me because my punch card has already been punched once...although maybe it is only half a punch because they are the ones who got me there. Please tell them I will be there soon! (I notice that Air Canada has a seat sale.)
BUT... in their tirade about nobody coming to visit, they neglected to include the 'BUTS'... and there have been a couple.

Come on over to London! ...BUT don't come in December because they want to be alone with you the first month.
Come on over to visit ...BUT maybe not in January because they might be in the middle of a move.

Hmmmm.........the punch card must have conditions on the reverse side. I hope they give me some kind of ballpark timeline so I keep my eyes open for a reasonable price to London. We all know there are rarely reasonable prices between Thunder Bay and Toronto so we will just have to put up with that. Give my love to Mummy and Daddy and don't kick too hard. Love ya........
- Gramma
Thunder Bay, ON


But the real question is - would you have to put them in girls clothes - because a more interesting point is do they even sell PINK BOYS clothes!!! I am willing to bet money they don't!
- Mikki
Portsmouth, UK


 
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Interested in Kevin and Aimee's other adventures? Of course you are!
Lose a month out of your life reading the Roadtrip or the Bikeabout. They're rather funny.

© 2006 Kevin & Aimee & Baby Beimers.
Twice is a coincidence. Thrice is a pattern.