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Baby stats:
Current size: About 10 cherries.
Weight in cherries eaten: 3 kilos
Aimee's key symptom: Rapid weight loss - 2 kilos due to vomiting.
Developed this week: The baby's lifelong love or hatred of cherries.
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Kevin's thoughts:
Science continues to astound us. Just when we think we've achieved the pinnacle of innovation,
someone breaks the surly bonds of conventional engineering and does the unthinkable, once again
raising the bar of the collective potential of humanity.
Razors with four pivoting swivel-headed blades!
Boil in bag rice! Leaf-blowers! Rims that continue to spin after the car has stopped! What further breakthroughs could possibly be over the horizon for the common man? Can life get even better?
Sadly, sarcastically, yes it can.
For, once again, a company has dared to transcend beyond the barriers of ethics, taste, fashion, and childhood
education, and developed the most unlikely (yet delightfully sassy) collection of role models for our nation's
youth since Teen Talk Barbie.
I'm talking, of course, about Baby Bratz.
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Who are the lucky ad wizards who get to write the jingle for these?
Cheeky little babies
Who look like tramps
Never know what you'll find
In our pants...
Baby Bratz! Hey Sailor! |
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While Aimee was trying on trousers (come to think of it, I can't think of
the last time Aimee felt well enough to go trousing), I stumbled across these delinquent beauties
somewhere between Weebleville and the Baby Einstein collection.
Aren't they adorable? With their low-rise midriff framing skirts and sultry, alluring, come-hither eyes, what
self respecting two year old WOULDN'T want one of these?
EGADS! What's wrong with... with... PEOPLE? Who demands toys like this? Somehow, these managed to make it
through all the experts, all the censors, all the executives, all the board meetings, and end up on
the shelves of a respectable shop like Mothercare?
Is this what the world has asked for, or is this simply what we've been provided? Where are the Lisa Lionhearts?
Stored away in some government bunker, no doubt, until humanity is ready to accept the technology.
I just don't get it. I honestly can't get my head around it. What is the chain of events that allows
this poor excuse for a role model to be created, manufactured, marketed and shipped in what appears to
be the lowest point of child-targeted consumerism I've ever witnessed? Perhaps the scenario went a little
like this...
...Granny shuffles into the shop. It's her granddaughter's first Christmas, and
she's looking for a good wholesome gift like she used to have when she was a child... like, a doll! Perfect.
A doll. She spends some time perusing the aisles and aisles of dolls suitable for a 7-month old, but sadly,
she just can't find the one she wants. She calls over an employee.
"Yes, ma'am?"
"Hello miss, I was wondering if you could help me. I've been looking at these dolls, and none of them seem to suit
my granddaughter. I was wondering, do you have anything... sluttier?"
"How do you mean, ma'am?"
"Oh, you know... trampy. Tight mesh top? Hooker makeup? Maybe some fishnets? That sort of thing."
"Hmm, no, I don't think there is such a thing."
"Perhaps a thong then? Or some thigh-high bitch boots?"
"I'm sorry, the closest you're going to come to a tramp is Sleepover Barbie."
"Oh, that's too bad."
"I know... In fact, you're the third person today to ask for something like that. Babies that look like whores seem to be in high demand.
Maybe I should put a call into head office, see what the gals in marketing can come up with?"
"Oh, dearie, would you? Until then - sigh - my little Foxxxy is just going to have to settle for the mascara I bought her."
"Aw, bless."
Moral of the story: Don't buy these! According to the basic law of supply and demand, if nobody demands, they don't
supply. The quicker the toy companies figure out that we aren't interested in Staxx the Stipper, Bluntie Junkie or
My Li'l Dominatrix, the better.
It appears my writeup is considerably longer than the rest of this page, so even though I haven't yet begun to crack the iceberg
and give this subject the rant it truly deserves, perhaps I'll just have to wind it up with a hat-tipping to me old mate
Mr. Skinnylegs, may he rest in peace:
Baby Bratz? I reckon that's crap.
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Aimee's thoughts:
POP! This week I just popped out of myself and out of most of my clothes! I've officially made it past the chubby tummy stage and entered the mildly pregnant stage. I'm quite proud of my little bump.
What I'm not as proud of is my current wardrobe. It looks as though about 70% of the clothes are going to have to go, including every single pair of trousers I own. Luckily, Kev and I made a trip to Mothercare last week (a seriously tenuous outing for me in my current state), so I've got a grand total of two new pairs of trousers - work trousers and home trousers. It's like being back on the bikes in Australia when we had one shirt for bike riding and one shirt for being around civilized folk.
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When maternity clothes are too ugly, just but the stretchiest 'normal' clothes you can find! |
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Proper planning is the key to success here. If you're buying a pair of trousers, you'd better be sure they're comfortable enough to wear every day for months and will fit just as well for a grapefruit tummy as a watermelon tummy. Coupled with this is the ability to not get bored with your own appearance as you wear those same trousers day in and day out. This is where I may become challenged.
Now that we're around civilized folk every day, I like a good dose of variety in my wardobe. I think I'm going to have to get very creative if this is going to happen anytime in the next six months. Perhaps my tummy will get so big that I won't be able to see that I'm wearing the same trousers? Perhaps I'll begin to take some trips to Accessorize to jazz things up?
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Did you know? |
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At week 13, our little baby is fully developed and all that needs to happen from this point forward is grow, grow, grow!
Such a rate of growth, in fact, that if it were to continue after birth, the baby would be 13 feet tall at one month of age! That'd surely help us fulfill our lifelong dream of appearing in a supermarket tabloid next to Bat Boy Found in Cave!
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Preggy Pal of the Week! |
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Isn't it weird how all of your friends seem to get pregnant at the same time? Is it to do with age,
or biological clocks, or is it like when you hear something on the radio and then keep hearing it
for the rest of the day?
In any case, it's time for baby.beimers.com to pay tribute to all of those folks out there who aren't
us, yet are also pregnant! That's two reasons to be happy! Time to meet...
Mikki and Rigel
Who knows? I think even with the most precise medical knowledge these litle ones just pop out when they are good and ready - October sometime - knowing my luck it will be Halloween and a little ghoul will be born ha ha ha ha.
Zuben for a boy, after the star Zubenelgenubi - Jasmine for a girl, but I am not set on it - at the moment the bump is known as 'Zube'.
I really want to know but at the same time I want a surprise - I'll see what happens in the scan and how I feel on the day, although the emphasis has been on having a surprise...
Nothing weird, just Oranges and loads of them - satsumas or clementines, anything - also pork scratchings... I just can't get enough of them ha ha ha! - generally I just love eating food and lots of it!
Feeling my baby move - I was sat in greece and my friend was talking about the baby and suddenly out of now where I jumped out of my skin and my belly moved and I felt the baby properly move for the first time - now I feel it daily and it is a warm gooey feeling that makes my back tingle with glee...
Listen to your body; it tells you want you need. Do not stress over all the excess conflicting advice avaliable - I feel like the first person in the world ever to go through this but I have to keep reminding myself my body is designed to do this, and women have done it since the beginning of human time.
Don't panic if you are not enjoying
pregnancy too much. I have days when I love it and days when I hate it - heavy bump, bad back,
the heat, hayfever, worry - but this is all part of it.
Some people preach how you should feel the best you ever have and how it is wonderful
(it is!) but at the same time it is shit scarey and new so you have to learn ... it's almost like being
at school again and having to learn a whole new subject in 9 months - but it is amazing really and I
thank my lucky stars to be able to experience it all - incredibubble :o)
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Everyone into the poll! |
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Fashion while pregnant is a minefield - not only do you have to avoid all the tablecloths masquerading as maternity clothes, but you've also go to try to cover a giant buddha belly. Or do you...?
Last Week's Poll:
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12% |
| £30: |
87% |
| £150: | 0% |
| £600: |
0% |
| £1100: |
1% |
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Baby's Book of the Week |
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 The Disappearing Cheese
By Paul Harrison
With a gripping opening line, I expected this to be a riveting drama shadowing the
hare-brained antics of a foolish seafaring gent and his even more foolish and obedient
family. However, within a few pages, the entire storyline seemed to depend on the hope
that no one would clue into the fact that the cheese was the moon's reflection
in the water. As well, the execution depended entirely on the illustrations, which
being inside the womb, the baby had no access to, and thus couldn't be in on the joke
unless it was explicitly spelled out, ruining the timing of the anticlimactic punchline.
In a word, contrived. Baby no like.
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Aimee's cravings |
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Cherries by the kilo! It is possible that this is a seasonal craving, not a baby craving, but since that's all Aimee seems to be eating these days, it certainly counts.
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