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Baby stats:
Current size: 0.4cm
Weight: Negligible
Aimee's key symptom: Cramps
Comparable to: Grumpy grain of rice
Developed so far: Brain, spinal cord, heart (coincidentally what was needed by the gang from the Wizard of Oz).
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Kevin's thoughts:
Well, whaddya know. Ol' Kev's gonna be a daddy. Finally I can stop messing with other people's
kids and start messing with my own!
How do I feel? I feel... well, body-wise I feel kind of the same. It's strange. I mean, with
Aimee, there's stuff going on inside her, little bubbling noises that
I presume is the body's factory floor shifting around stock to make room for their first big client
(by the way, don't go reading too much into the word "first", it was simply an extension of the
factory floor metaphor). But me? Nothing going on. Nothing physical anyway, unless you count Aimee
sending me to Puddlemeats for Salt-n-Vinegar Chips.
Mentally I'm kind of the same too, since the only person I can talk to about it is Aimee,
and we've been talking about the idea for some time now, so it's just an extension of that.
That's good though... couples should
have secrets (and not from each other). We get to be all googly-moogly around each other, little belly rubs and
"Good-night-daddy"s, sneaking little happy giggles behind other peoples' backs. It's kinda fun.
Now I understand why gossip is a national pasttime.
One thing I don't get though... Aimee keeps being shocked by how FAST it happened. I think I
speak for most men when I say I'm not surprised in the least. Isn't it the way it's supposed to
work? Sex = pregnant. Why assume anything else?
I think men have a much different attitude when it comes to pregnancy. First off, I'm positive
that most men assume that their genetic contribution to the baby is the roughest, toughest,
root'nest, toot'nest, quickest and longest-lived of everyone else in the locker room. While I don't spend a lot of
time in the locker room (and by golly, sharing a train coach to Leicester with a rugby squad of
YY-chromosome hypermales where most conversation revolved around wanking, now I know why), I'd
still assume that mine would be on par until I have reason to believe otherwise.
Aimee, while positive about the venture, seemed to be preparing for the optimal conditions,
including charting the path of the Earth's sun and leaving offerings to Dionysus. I suppose
there's something to be said for getting it right the first time. (and let's face it; it worked,
didn't it?)
One could sum it up in the same way boys and girls prepare dinner: A girl will wake up in the
morning and say, "Hmm, I might feel like a nice chicken tetrazzini tonight. I'll take the chicken
out of the freezer before I leave for work, pick up the necessary veggies and condensed milk at
noon, and spent a few minutes preparing a lovely dinner that will not disappoint."
A boy, on the other hand, looks at his watch at 6:45pm, and says, "Hmm, getting hungry. What's
this in my freezer? Chicken tetrazzini, 90 seconds.* Good enough for me."
Well, whether it was my confidence or Aimee's preparation, job's a good'un. Looks like my part in this
whole baby business is finished - HAHAHA. Sigh, I never get tired of that joke.
*Simply another extended metaphor, which in no way bears relation to
the, er, elapsed time during conception.
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Aimee's thoughts:
Eight. That's not so bad. I would say that taking eight pregnancy tests in 12 days is still on the sane side of obsession. The first five went the way of uselessness, as I did not realise that they wouldn't work until my period was due. The sixth was taken when Kevin wasn't home and resulted in me lying about it and having to fess up. The seventh was a late bloomer.
I had really convinced myself it was all for naught when I started feeling achey a few days ago. I took the seventh test and was dissapointed when it came up blank. I was really 'feeling' pregnant, but the test wasn't. Hmmmm.
Luckily for me, I am too lazy to throw such tests away, and when I glanced at it a few hours later, a line had appeared! The earliest trace of the microscopic-est hormonal molecule must have had to run laps in order to show up on the stick, but it did its job... the test had changed its mind! Hooray!
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Sources confirmed today that Aimee is indeed pregnant. Those same sources also confirmed that Kevin is not. |
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Of course, this resulted in me buying another test.
The eighth one was the confirmer. This time, I had already purchased all the cheap tests at Tesco and had to buy-up to the Clear Blue Digital Test. Very posh. And very clear. As the test clearly states, I am most definitely PREGNANT.
This means two things - my speed has suddenly reduced to a crawl with tiredness, and Kevin was right. You see, I was convinced that it would take us the national average of three months to get pregnant. Kevin, being the overachiever that he is, KNEW it would happen the first time. Mr. Smartypants (literally!) wins again.
How am I feeling? I feel really crampy and tired. It's literally unheard of for me to spend any part of the weekend sitting down. This weekend I've found myself saying something like 'I'll just finish this and then go make the fruit salad." Then, I find (yawn) that I'm still "finishing this" an hour later! I don't think I've stood up for more than an hour the entire weekend. Double yawn.
No morning sickness or cravings yet, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time.
Of course, all these feelings are overshadowed by the fact that I'm thrilled to bits and, because I didn't expect it to happen so quickly (yay us!), I'm still in disbelief... thank goodness there's still a couple of tests left in the box!
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Did you know? |
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A healthy couple in prime reproductive age has only a 25 percent chance of conceiving in the first month.
How 'bout that? Back in High School Sex Education, they drummed it into our heads that teenagers could get
pregnant through a pair of hip waders.
By the way, I could have told you the reputable source of this nugget of info, but since when does the
world look to the Beimers suite of websites for actual facts? Hell, we still get email about the
Lowest Highest Point, but have we done anything
about it? Darn right we didn't.
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People in the know |
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The National Health Services call-centre lady was the first to hear our great news! Lucky her!
NHS Lady: "NHS, can I help you?"
Aimee: "I'm pregnant!"
NHS Lady: "Okay. Is that... good?"
Aimee: "Yup!"
NHS Lady: "Ah, well, congratulations."
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Aimee's cravings |
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Lasagne
Banana milk*
*Occasionally at the same time.
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Aimee's Book of the Week |
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 Minus nine to one
By Jools Oliver
This is a personal account of Jools Oliver's two pregnancies - the first one planned, the second one very much a surprise three months after the first! Jools has a way of writing down all of her pregnancy neuroses in a way that make your own sound sane by comparison. At the same time, she has such an excitement and innocence about being pregnant that I couldn't help but feel thrilled that I'm about to go through the same thing. I would definitely recommend it if you like reading about other people's pregnancies - which you probably do if you're reading this!
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What's the first thing a baby needs to be welcomed into the world? Crib? Nope!
A plush Pooh-bear? Nope! Custom one-zies with iron on swear words? Wrong again!
An email from you?
That's right!
We're offering a rare opportunity to our viewers. By clicking the link below, you can send mail
to our baby! Say anything you like (about us, you, the baby, or life advice in general), and the message
shall be delivered at the specified date and time. Just like in Back to the Future!
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